I’ve just become grown up and i keep having this feeling in my stomach like a pit like i’ve just missed my flight and i just want to make fun of dave grohl and make music and write plays and be a rockstar like a good one thats the new wave of something thats had waves before and will maybe have some again soon but never like mine but also pretty debbie harry all beautiful and jumping around and wearing a little t shirt that cuffs my shoulders too tight and with tall charming boys playing the guitar behind me like arthur miller writing long extended metaphors that get made into movies where winona ryder is the main girl and at first its really special and whispered about and scary to the government but one day id be okay if people fall asleep to it in english class like i fell asleep to the lion king on that half day in the classroom of my teacher who used to be a flight attendant and had a domesticated chinchilla in the corner and some pseudo folk songs where the fictionalized version i’ve crafted with my crayons of bob dylan raps a little while he pulls his too thin coat sleeves over his palms like he’s lin manuel miranda or even adam yauch but unfortunately i have not enough money to just be a mushroom and i wish someone would give me a job and a chance to roam and do that and i will even live in california and call people on the phone if you give me this chance to be a mushroom and be free with a steady flow of cash puffing out steady bursts of cool air like the wind beneath my wings begging me go fly like tori vega doing the bird scene living on the prairie was a dreary existence and i’m the bird and my paid for rent and three meals a day plus snacks and vitamins so i don’t pass out on the pickle ball court or something are tori and i’ll just sing songs and write stories and you will all be my muse you being the other mushrooms because art feeds on the artist being friends with artists too and i love my friend tess and think she’s the greatest actress of all time and i’d cast her in every last thing if she’d have me as her nora ephron and her my meg ryan but with aliens and talking posters on the wall and other freaky stuff that’s what i’d like to do roaming free and and being a mushroom with nothing but a ballpoint pen and a dream but alas i will go to college because that is the only way i can afford to live in new york city yes somehow tuition with room and board and a new winter coat hat and gloves costs less than a few months rent so that’s what i will do if you see me walking the pavement just know that i used to wish i could make buildings and my mother always misremembers my dreams as my sisters and i can’t eat mushrooms because i fear the taste and they remind me of human ears.